Allowing Resistance
Resistance is the road to consent. Resistance is the embodied dialogue, spoken in the language of tension, that establishes trust and consent.
If he tries to kiss me before I'm ready to be kissed, I can press my forehead to his and breathe the air with him, nuzzle my nose to his, slow the moment and MEET my own resistance. I hold and honor my own resistance while remaining in connection.
This also teaches him to meet my resistance.
Meeting resistance is not about overcoming resistance. It's not about pushing, it's about complementary pressure. Pressure that honors the boundary as a point of connection, an up-to-date menu of options, NOT a refusal or rejection.
Artful play with resistance and tension is what relationship is FOR.
Resistance, friction, IS the pleasure. It's where we are feeling each other, how we are feeling each other, and how it feels.
Resistance has a spectrum, of course. Resistance is not ONLY pleasure, it can also be pain, it can produce injury, even death.
It could be said that wisdom is a refinement of resistance, choosing pleasurable resistance, being pleased by resistance.
But if we fear to meet resistance, or if we are so eager to transcend resistance that we stride past it and get injured, we're limiting our own ability show up in relationships. We are restricting intimacy in our lives.
