Hate

I recently asked Leela, “What if I do [xyz] and then you hate me?”

She said, simply, “I’m ok with feeling hate for you.”

That's what it is to hold it down in longterm relationship.

It doesn’t mean I have exclusively these “good” feelings and never those “bad” feelings.

It means that my emotions of the moment don't need the force of a freight train to be valid.

My emotions don't need to express in my decisions.

My emotions don't have to have earth shattering impacts on my life for me to be taking them seriously.

Taking my emotion seriously means that I feel it.

I'm not taking my emotion seriously if I can't play with it.

Making meaning out of it, using it to indicate quick decisions, bringing it in as a relational matter, that's usually me trying to fix it or run away from it so that I don’t have to be seriously silly with it.

What I know for sure about my emotions is that they’re everchanging.

What if you hate me?

Well then I'll be right there hating you.

Hating you isn't a reason to leave automatically.

I plan to hate you plenty in this lifetime.

Don't think you can get out of it.