I Felt Pulled

First, it was my thirst. Three miles of walking through town then the woods, back in town with a half mile to go, I could stop in to the non-alcohol bar for a glass of water.

I could also get home.

Ah, but there is someone there for you to meet.

This is the pulse via which life offers me her gifts.

I followed it, and she was there, probably 4 years old. She hopped off her stool and opened the door for me, stood by me while I got water. She hid behind me while a man walked by us, grasping me like she'd known me all her life. I stood fast as her shield and felt honored to do so.

When he left she called me to the books and I got down on the floor with her.

We looked for the dinosaur book on fossils, but it was nowhere to be found.

She led us in a teasing game of duck duck goose, then when I got dizzy from it I fell to the floor telling her about how the world felt spinny.

She built a home of pillows and I told her I wanted to walk home to my dinner. She said "I don't have anyone to play with! Not any kids or anyone!" Wheedling for me to stay, and I knew we'd need a thorough and connected goodbye.

We went to the porch, she tried to close me inside, held the door until I escaped. While her mother carried on the conversation on the porch, she tackled me to the ground and jumped on my back and I played a game of shaking off a very heavy and very loud backpack.

The last time, I told her, "I'm gonna put you down and run away!"

And I did, and she shouted after me, and I shouted back and hid around the cars like I was afraid of her.

I ran into my friend and got to thank him for the deep nourishment he'd offered me the night before, truly acknowledging the way he was there for me in a moment of birthing my creation.

These are the gifts life offers me, as I walk at walking speed, as I make time to be an Auntie to a child I've never met, because she is here, so she is mine. She is the point of my time.

Living in the village and moving through the village is not fast paced or sexy. It's parenting someone else's child in public, among parents who entrust the public to parent their children.

It's not the spark of new love but the supportive warmth of a reliable friend.

Right here, right now, I have exactly all I need. Loving men, loving women, loving children, good nature, the time to enjoy it all, the momentum to show up for it.

Birthing my creation into the world, creating art, letting art create me.