I'm a Yes to Her No

There's a child in my life who says "no" to just about every direction, every request, every invitation from others in her life.

I find it quite sweet, and simply agree with her right to say no.

Then I proceed to enact the reality of my invitation, for myself, leaving her behind, and usually she hops right into action, deciding to participate after all.

Her saying "no" is her habit and her activity, a use of her voice. It is separate entirely from her desire to participate in anything, and if I treated those things as the same, and/or if I required her to participate, we would be in power struggles all the time.

It is her right to refuse to participate in anything that's offered to her. That feels so beautiful to me to hold now, because all I do for the children around me is also for my own inner child. To be the one, now, who chooses to never coerce a child the way I was coerced. What a blessing, what a confrontation of all the places in me that habitually resort to coercion.

My point is not to share with you the way I gain compliance from a child who appears noncompliant. My point is that a vocalization of independence and choice is a distinct activity from the desire, willingness, or fact of anyone's participation in a given offer.

Sometimes we need to know it's ok to say "no" to find our "yes," we need to feel the fomo when others around us are ready to move on without us. We need to feel the HONORING of our sovereign right to say no, especially those of us who are shaped by the fact or fear of coercion, especially children just learning to use their voice.

None of us know, in truth, how we will feel about participating when the reality of any opportunity arises. What I know is that I'm only down to participate in opportunities that I may opt into or out of, with people who support me in either choice, or maybe both choices, my right to change my mind! I'm so grateful to affirm this for little ones I love.