I'm in the Wrong
When I think blame or punishment will solve something
when I think someone else's accountability or responsibility is required
I am willing to be in a circumstance that I think is wrong.
My presence in something that I experience as wrong, unacceptable, toxic, or needing to change is enabled by the belief that someone else can shift it for me, the delusional hope that it will change, and suddenly what has always been on offer will transform into something I imagine myself deserving.
If I know that nobody else can shift it, and it's nobody else's fault, and there is no collaboration or accountability I can count on from anyone else, I cannot remain in a circumstance I think is wrong. I must either make it right by receiving of it more exquisitely or move to receive something else.
If I experience something going wrong here, I go somewhere with something that feels right to me.
I don't wait for it to "get fixed." It is right if it is happening. If I think it is wrong, it is wrong for me, and it is up to me alone to serve me something that feels right for me. If it is happening, I move to accept it, or I move to accept something else of the infinity available to me in every moment of my life.
Most of the time this is a far more nuanced process than anyone reading this might imagine it to be.
My lover argues with me, and I hate it. I think something is wrong here, so I leave him? No, I move to make it right.
He begins an argument and I describe to him the shape of his head.
I move to the absurd, recognizing it is up to me whether or not I participate in the argument he is inviting, knock back a familiar pattern or interrupt all of our expectations, defy the priming, attach to an unexpected element of our connection.
He offers me an arm and I grab his leg! What now?
He dances back with me, our connection is alive in the absurd and he meets it there. He smiles and picks on some aspect of my appearance. Roasting is a mutual love language.
It turns out, I hate it when he argues *and I argue back.* That's the wholeness of the matter I might miss if I were willing to make it his fault. The only part of that I can own is me arguing back. So I do something else.
If I were to endorse that he must participate in adjusting this wrong experience, I would be arguing that he should stop arguing, proving in my own behavior exactly how hard it is (impossible, actually!) to stop arguing.
Instead, with full responsibility, I do not stop arguing, I start communicating another way, demonstrating with my own behavior exactly how easy it is to shift into a new way of communicating if this one feels anything less than exquisite, playful, loving, sweet, harmonious, and aligned *for me.*
I embody what feels aligned to me. If he makes THAT hard, then I leave. But I start by moving to make the situation right, before thinking I'm entitled to a more right-feeling situation than my own behavioral standard reflects.
