Information, Not Instruction

I grew up in a high-control environment, and I developed a LOT of oppositionality.

It felt like my whole life, people were telling me what to do. And often they were wrong, or not as smart as me, or had not earned my trust. Often they were ruling with fear, driven by their own ends, out of touch with me.

Within me, this developed into an obsession with saying no to authority, rebelling, procrastinating, taking "time off." It got to the point that even when it was something *I* was telling me to do, I would oppose that "authority" to enact my "freedom."

I was trapped by the oppositionality that was originally designed to free me from control.

I was unable to form my own desires of the infinite offering and pursue them, I knew only what I didn't want to do, only how to slack off and procrastinate while someone else told me what to do.

One thing that helped immensely with my oppositionality was the frame "information, not instruction."

It started with my intuitive knowings. I had to understand that I was learning about what would come to pass, not receiving instruction about what I alone was supposed to make happen. Intuitive knowings are information, not instruction. I am not being asked to do something, I am being shown what will be.

It expanded to my to-do list and my calendar and every schedule and project outline I created for myself. It freed me. My to-do list, my calendar, my schedule, my outline, this is INFORMATION, not instruction. This is what I'm invested in, this is information about what I have decided will happen, what I decided I wanted to create and participate in.

I am not a tyrant to myself, and I no longer react toward my choices, decisions, and desires as though they're the impositions of a tyrant. It healed from every direction at once, in its time, like any flesh wound does.