Intimate Competition
"Well, what if I hooked up with YOUR friend?"
It's an outraged accusation disguised as a question. It’s outrage that seems to make sense, hence the rhetorical question.
When a loved one chooses a loved one as a romantic or sexual partner, when our two loved ones make love, when a family member hooks up with a friend or ex lover, when our partner uses our consent to open our relationship to get closer with an already-close friend.
WHY that person?
This demand reveals the way we have been trained to perceive competition and scarcity in love and sex. This dogmatic brainwashing is what was required to separate us from our natural village eros, in order to co-opt us into a system which degrades our experience in order to serve a system.
It is natural for close humans to form close bonds. It is natural for close bonds to involve physical and even sexual intimacy.
Why did your romantic partner choose your close friend to make love with?
Because love is there already.
And if your love is going to love someone, if they are going to get close with someone, wouldn't you want it to be someone you already love? What could be sweeter than knowing the love that is blossoming for your loved one is similarly blossoming for another loved one?
What could be sweeter than a tighter weaving within a community you wish to see stronger?
And who taught you to blow a gasket over the loves of your loves? Who taught you it's unloving to be loving with more than one person, what were their aims?
You are misunderstanding this if you think this is all about sex. It is *also* about sex, but even nonsexual and emotional intimacy gets treated like a threat to love instead of what it really is—an expression of love.
Expressions of love generate energy ALWAYS.
We squander the potential nourishment of that energy when we choose reactivity, scarcity, and condemnation over a genuine appreciation, savoring, and honoring of the love our loved ones share.
This is the way adding energy to a system does not necessarily produce nourishment. Adding energy to a system might also reveal its leaks and unsustainability. We have all been taught a slew of emotional-reactive behaviors that seem to be important and authentic and true.
Actually, that reactivity is applied energy, and we might apply it anywhere else we choose.
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