Labeled

I deeply respect the so-called "avoidant."

I respect when someone’s first move is withdrawing rather than lashing out.

Anything can have more time and more space, and the more I want to freak out about the time and space this needs, the more I need that time and space to calm the fuck down and re-center myself on MY life.

Taking that time and that space and truly USING it to become ready for connection is the difference between the true avoidant, running from themselves, chasing a high, and the one who is taking a path of right relationship my anxiety loves to project upon and judge. Integrity I don't understand can easily be labeled avoidance in the one whose work and truth and life pursuit looks something other than I imagined for them, having known them for mere months or years of their long and fascinating life.

As for the real avoidant, the one running from themselves, those usually run away from me quickly—I am too clear a mirror for their liking. I've learned to let go early and easy. Dating is meant to fall apart when things aren’t aligned, that’s why we don’t get married right away.

As for my indulgent pop-psyche that loves to judge other people, we simply cannot keep accusations of avoidance in the house for how that part will devour the entire family-sized bag. My wiser mind does not even allow it, now—the person I would like to call avoidant is on their own sacred path. This juicy accusation obscures my discomfort with centering MY life. This is my own trouble focusing on my own business, this is my own desire to leap out of my good life and into a brand new fairytale someone else makes just right for me.

Any time I want to label another person, I know I’m turned away from my own business somewhere. These labels are the first alarm, and I am the one to recognize and heed my own alarms.