Naughty Kitty

Parents get tired when their kids argue with every little thing.

Kids argue with every little thing when they're bored, when nobody is playing with them, when they are sick of being subject to control.

When parents are tired, that's when they're least likely to play, least likely to be able to think of a creative collaboration.

Being with your own kid is like being with your own psyche. It's SO EASY to tell what's going on in someone else's psyche—but your own?

People's parenting, like their psyches, is incredibly compelled by fear. They're compelled by resistance and war and oppositionality.

Once I'm in a fight, backing down feels like losing. If I've been fighting with my kid, or fighting the effects of my kid, for example, keeping me up all night, playing can feel like an indulgence none of us deserve.

Yet, this is when we all most need and deserve it.

Play is a refuge, all efforts will drive it away. Play is improvisational, and perhaps you already know the law of improv—"yes, and."

"Yes," is the hardest part of this law, especially with a child I've started to see as oppositional. I want to rush to the "and" and that means my "yes" is really a no. Even if the words are "yes," the tone is "no."

I was walking with a kiddo friend to a dangerous creek spot. Her mother said "ok, you'll have to listen to me here about what's safe, can you do that?"

"No! I'm a naughty kitty!"

That's a no I can yes! So I chimed in.

"Oooh, naughty kitty, what is your name, naughty kitty?"

She, coy, pleased to have me join her game, "You can just call me Naughty Kitty."

"Alright then, Naughty Kitty. We will tell you what to do and you will be sooo naughty and not do any of it. And since we're in a dangerous place and you're Naughty Kitty, if we say your human name, we are saying something about your body being safe."

She agreed wholeheartedly and we scolded Naughty Kitty and tried to tell her what to do, and she flouted our directions, and when we spoke her human name, she listened.

Play overcomes tyranny and control.

Play can overcome tyranny and control as an oppressive force and also as an enforcement of safety or protection.

Play can overcome tyranny and control as imagined-obstacle to collaboration.

Play can overcome the enemy image someone else has formed of me as their oppressor.

Play invites and plays with rebellion and control, defusing and disempowering them by giving them their space to reign.

Play invites collaboration which does not need control or rebellion to end in order for collaboration to function.