No Criticism
In this house, we do not criticize or complain about men.
If a woman comes in with a criticism or a complaint about men, it is swallowed into an alchemical void which spits out understanding and personal responsibility.
In this house, we claim what we show up for and how we show up.
In the rare case we find ourselves confused, bewildered, or disappointed with a man, we grieve for men.
We cultivate understanding of men. We acknowledge and reconcile our own unmet expectations of men.
We lament the way certain men would love to access us, and the way they have no idea how.
We mourn the ways they've been shaped, the ways they have been cut off from vital resources, skills, understandings, practices.
But we do not criticize. And we do not complain.
We DO appreciate, brag, and praise. We LOVE on good men, most of the time.
Most of the time, you'll find us speaking on his precision, his planning, his quiet leadership, his listening, his providership, his attentiveness, his service, his vision--all of what we admire.
We play games of doing this in the room with them, as if they are not there.
Busy with that, we don't even have a lot of time to think on what of any man we don't admire. We show up for what we DO admire, and then we're too busy for anything we don't admire.
And I do mean admiration.
Outright admiration.
The humbling kind.
The kind of admiration that makes you want to treat a man with respect and cherish his heart, cultivate and uplift his self-image. The kind that makes you want to follow his lead, the constant "yes" sourced from the fact that he never presents a deniable offer.
The kind of admiration that makes you realize what you could be if you let yourself have a man like THAT in your life.
The kind of admiration you want to have for your husband.
Perhaps you think you can hold out for it, that you'll find this practice of admiration when something admirable FINALLY crosses your path.
But you are blinded by your practice of criticism and complaint.
Your practice of attentional devotion is to noticing what upsets, disappoints, and fails you in the world, at least in part, and it clouds what you are willing to show up for.
Because you allow yourself to criticize and complain, you are able to show up for standards which inspire criticism and complaint.
Something of what is admirable is guaranteed to disappoint you, and if you rate these experiences as attentionally more important than admiration, you will grasp but never hold the love you desire.
When you commit to a practice of admiration, you can no longer show up for anything which inspires criticism or complaint. Your commitment compels you to look in another direction, toward something admirable.
When you are consumed with admiration, disappointment is rare, and expectations are unnecessary. You appreciate what has happened and what is happening, so much so that you do not need any future story to attain bliss.
When you are consumed with admiration, complaints and criticisms which surface are red flags within you, warning you of incompatibility.
Admiration is the zone where your relational investment belongs. If you find your investments inspire complaint or criticism, you immediately re-evaluate those investments.
This is subtle. It could be that you enjoy texting with someone, but you don't enjoy the time you spend together. When you text, you admire them. When you talk in person, you notice complaints or criticisms arise in you.
The compatibility of relational investment is in texting, in-person interactions are proving to be incompatible. Then you have a choice: will you continue to invest in a text-only relationship, remaining in your zone of admiration, or is a relationship which is only compatible via text an unworthy investment?
These are the nuanced ways admiration tunes our discernment of relational investment over time.
And in the here and now, admiration FEELS AMAZING.
Admiration of what you love in the world is AVAILABLE ALWAYS.
Admiration is a state where you are RADIANT, CONFIDENT, GLOWING.
Admiration is a generous way to ALWAYS BE GIVING THE LOVE THAT YOU ARE.
Admire what you love in the world, and in men around you. Do not wait for one man, because to wait for him is to ask him to suffer your clumsy beginnings. Learn it now, he is worthy of your refinement.
Put your attention on what you love. That is the realm which contains the one you will love the very most.
Something Like This
Something Like This.
