Non-Negotiable Nourishment
"I'm just so sick of being the messy one!"
My friend, an incredible single mom of two high-energy children, cried to a spontaneous circle of women.
"I don't have anyone to pass them off to, I never really have, but sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. A friend suggested I reach out as soon as I start feeling the slightest bit overwhelmed, so I can ask for help."
The idea was inspired, well-meaning, maybe even good enough, but I wasn't about to eat it. "I want better for us."
"Maybe we need regular nights where we all just get together for those pre-bedtime hours when the kids need to be worn out."
My roommate jumped on this. "I love that shit. I love kids that have so much energy, because SAME."
This is an example where we speak the need for connection, for nourishment, for a boundary that facilitates the experience we ALL really want. We shift the focus from what we don't want (overwhelm) to what we do want (ongoing, regular connection).
Roomie and I are both SO ready to be mamas. We adore children, we love how they absorb our attention and require us to embody sacred stewardship.
I don't want my friend even a little bit overwhelmed by her life. Why would we wait that long, when we know the exact nourishment required to heal the situation with prosperous resource?
Why would we wait, when delivering her nourishment is the exact nourishment we ourselves crave and deserve?
The thing is, a mom, regardless of whether she "has help," will have moments of overwhelm. If we think she's equipped to identify it creeping up on her AND to reach out while it's happening, we are fooling ourselves.
Regular nourishment is what we all really deserve. I mean NOURISHMENT, where you don't enter depletion as a regularity or a rule or a reason to receive resources.
Back home, roomie and I schemed.
"I'm just gonna call her every night and see if she wants to come over."
"Yes, Girl."
Scheming is my love language. It is not enough to say you will do a thing, you must conspire, plot, plan, and delight in delivering the thing.
I had every intention of setting up a space geared toward children when I moved here. Hearing my kiddo friends demand their parents come see something "in the playroom" aka my living room, is the most essential metric of success in my current life.
I came here to live in community, specifically this community. I came here to SERVE.
I came here to be part of a vast network, because I had the partner and saw how it wasn't enough, how much extra energy I had when I was in real devotion and compatibility, how conflict had always consumed it, how bored I became!
I saw how much love there still was to share, when it was pouring out of me so freely.
I felt how much more I could hold, when I learned how play could be all the maintenance.
I found bliss in the way devotion could infuse tasks I was taught to resent as burdensome, creating purpose and sweetness in the duties of daily life.
Here and now, I experience all around me the way that we can choose to look with loving eyes at all that is true in each moment, and how this practice facilitates compatibility and produces *the most* chaotically sweet harmony in family and community.
At least, it's working for me.
