When I relate with someone in mutual empowerment, the adjustments they have to offer me are pure gold.
I can get gold out of any adjustment. The adjustments offered by those who are disempowered take lots of work and heartache to get the gold.
The clean adjustment of someone who owns their experience gives me the information I most value about how I am coming across. They aren't asking me to fix their experience, we are collaborating together about how to craft the best possible experience of our time together.
For me, this is where relating gets REALLY exciting. It sates the part of me that used to thrill off having a conflict to resolve. I once thought without conflict I would be bored in relating, but it turns out that without conflict, we create intricacies of intrigue to maintain and tune together. Things start out good and get better and better.
When we aren't trying to fix the experience, we are able to really PLAY in and with the experience and with one another. We can learn in that peace, grow in that peace, relate in that peace, feel entertained in that peace. We can refine without enmity, as a feature of collaboration rather than a result of conflict.
Fear, demand, defensiveness, righteousness, blame, obligation, problems, conflict, resolution—these are not required for growth. They happen to be present in many of the ways we learned of learning and growth. That does NOT mean they are required. The way I see it now, I succeeded in spite of these factors more than because of them. The way I experience them now, they can be present for another without being present inside of me.
