"Raise your standards..."

no joy too small

“Eeee a real date!”

I jumped and skipped next to my friend walking next to me.

He was cool. “Girl, you need to raise your standards if that’s got you excited.”

I got a text from a man whose presence is enchanting. I’ve been savoring moments from our first date since it happened. I don’t even need another date with this man, I could keep receiving the first one for weeks. But of course I want it, and of course he does, too. He said, “How about we meet at [precise location] at [precise time] for a dinner reservation?”

I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO CELEBRATE THAT? Gorgeous leadership, 10/10 from a man who’s just been hitting it out of the park from moment one.

Yet, my friend’s position is a common one. Hold out on your delight, make sure that the offer is really worthy of your excitement.

It’s because almost everyone goes at dating completely backwards.

Guarded, hesitant, protective, wary.

They wait to see how others will prove themselves against their “standards,” their control, their needs, their insecurity, their cool detachment, before really giving their love.

LOVE COMES LAST.

It makes sense if you’re delusional, like most people are. Once upon a time I thought and acted in ways that I now would label insane. I dated my own delusions, and criticized my actual partner for not matching what I privately imagined he would be like.

I would meet a man, and if he matched up to enough of my checkboxes, and was fun to be around and interested in me, too, I created a story about how the relationship would go, started cataloguing his responsibilities to me, and otherwise crafted expectations, conditions, and “standards” which I kept secret from him
while he failed to meet them
until my resentment turned to contempt
and I broke up with him.

But then I “healed” this! I transcended it!

I learned to *tell him about my delusion.* I learned to communicate how I needed him to be, so my criticism of how and who he actually was could be validated as real, so he could work on it. Most important of all, when he didn’t match my delusion, he was legitimately to blame for that. He knew what he was supposed to be, what I expected, what he owed to me, and, criminally, went on being as he was.

He was doing the wrong things, and that explained my unhappiness in the partnership.

MMM. So righteous.

But, not all that empowering. Certainly not intimate or respectful of the sacred sovereignty of my partner. Not in integrity with reality as it happens. Therefore, not in the spirit of love.

The truth is that happiness, peace, and love are here and now. That's the only time I can offer or receive anything: now. If love is what I want, then I need to BE in love every now.

I’m having a great time dating with my love out front. I don't care if others judge me. This practice had me skipping while my friend was only walking! Who's having a better time?

In my WHOLE life
LOVE COMES FIRST.

I love you immediately, not because of who you are, because of who *I am.* Because I am love. I am loving. I am loved.

I can always afford to love, because love is infinite.