Recently Divorced
It is often a woman comes to me recently divorced.
I adore a woman in this space.
So much of modern ways of relationship are built from an ancestral grief which is recent, indeed.
This is how it makes sense that I have clients older than me by a lot, clients even in their 70's asking me for my framework on relationships, femininity, surrender.
The recent ancestral grief is that our mothers and grandmothers needed a husband in order to have a bank account, a home, a business. Ideas of feminine power have been shaped to the aim of partnering with men. People even have the idea that a woman can't be "in her feminine" WITHOUT a man. (LOL)
The reason my frameworks are relevant is that I know how surrender, following, and femininity live in the world without any involvement of men, without a concern to enchant them. (I also know the way of allurement, lived all the way into it, and that's how I learned it is the barest fraction of life in feminine power.)
The power structure latent in relationships between men and women has skewed the importance we have placed on men and marriage. This dynamic of skewed power is unfair to both men and women in different ways.
Men no longer have this material importance. They are wondering, some of them subconsciously, what exactly it is they have to offer. They feel ashamed because they have a sense that they are not enough, that they could do something to be enough, and they don't know what that is. It may seem like they are not trying or they just want to give up, but they feel defeated.
Women still look to men for what their material importance used to offer--a sense of safety and security. But this was always a fairytale lie. A woman cannot live in her fullness with a belief that safety will be found in the material. She will feel disempowered in relationship, looking to a man for what no human can provide, what is simply and cleanly unavailable in the world—a universal experience of comfort.
This is why I adore to receive a woman recently divorced—she has placed herself in the hands of life. She has positioned herself for the ultimate expression of surrender—to life itself. She is living into the greatest potential for her femininity, following the pulse of what IS.
Yes, often this woman comes upon another love story in the form of a wonderful man, one she would not have been able to recognize in his precious humanity without first cutting it all loose in righteous savagery.
But the truest love story, the one she will live her whole life long, begins when she leaves. She chooses to surrender to life, she chooses to love life and let life love her; at first she receives heaping helpings of the love of her grief and misery.
Finally allowing others to feel all their own pain, she receives the gift of her own pain, knowing it is all for her.
Ultimately she is freed to see the truth of herself, undistracted by the image or reality of a man. She embraces her experience and lets it guide her in grounded and practical ways.
She centers herself in the gravity well of her own power, and all that is for her comes to her effortlessly. She owns that she is owned by her surroundings, and it feels right because she chose them precisely, selfishly, subjectively, without regard for convention or the opinions of others.
In time, she blinks open her eyes (I love these sessions) and realizes that she is living in the life she always dreamed, and it looks nothing like she imagined, but it feels like a slow submersion into a hot bath under the stars.
At that point, I offer her this.
"Look in the mirror, look in your own eyes, and say, 'this is the life I promised you.'"
