Regulation Is Not Enough
I love that the regulation of the nervous system is in the zeitgeist right now.
Of course, I often roll my eyes at how people speak about it, but for the most part, people having more awareness of their inner state is great.
It works!
A lot of people understand they need tools to regulate their nervous system in times of tension and overwhelm and GET THEM. Hell yeah.
But knowing how to regulate your nervous system in overwhelm doesn’t help you engineer a life where you’re not so overwhelmed all the time.
Knowing how to calm yourself, or even how to stay calm, doesn’t mean you enjoy more of your life.
It doesn’t mean more intimacy with your loved ones, even if it produces more peace.
It doesn’t mean you have more strategies to shape your children’s behavior or that you’ve addressed the underlying premises behind your idea of parenting which actually get you so stressed out when you’re with your child.
Nervous system regulation is a problem-solving tool. Problem-solving tools are great for solving problems. When we have the tools to solve problems, we have the courage to explore lands where problems might arise. But those tools are not in themselves new territory, and problem solving tools also enable us to survive staying right where the problems always are.
Knowing how to fix every problem in a house is a different skillset than knowing how to have a cozy evening alone at home, and that’s a different skillset than cooking and hosting a dinner party for ten.
When your emotional roof is no longer leaking, it becomes not only feasible but essential to curate enjoyment, meaning, purpose, LIFE into that sound and secure home.
A sound structure then needs to be furnished. A furnished structure needs life-form habits to serve. Lifeforms whose habits are nourished expand their social network. Each of these require and invite us to cultivate new tools, awarenesses, and belief-premises about what is most important and how I treat it that way.
My masterclass curriculum is an invitation to lands of loving devotion for brave explorers armed with these tools, forging a future where they don’t need to use them very often.
The technology of relationships is clear as day, teachable, and on offer right here.
Join Friday’s Discussion Group.
