Stewardship
Stewardship
"to bear and not to own,
to act and not lay claim,
to lead and not to rule,
this is mysterious power."
Tao Te Ching, V 10
Ursula LeGuin & Lao Tzu
The Tao speaks of what I consider the concept of stewardship in so many verses. I flipped through my copy, reading them to a friend. I made myself stop after four.
Stewardship is the interdependence and service to others which sits nestled between apathy and enmeshment.
Enmeshment could also be called codependency. Apathy could also be called narcissism.
Both of those things would say that they are stewardship, but they are not. Stewardship gone awry could look like one or the other.
Stewardship is the way I own the present moment and all it contains, and I do not own what was in the present moment beyond that moment.
When I see a child chasing a ball into a street—that is my child to protect.
But I don't take the child home with me.
In enmeshment or codependency, I'm lacking a clear sense of the distinction between myself and the other. This can lead to caretaking rather than simple action. If I saw a child about to run in front of a car, I could not forgive myself for not acting. Not acting would be apathy, my abandonment of empathy.
If I don't have a clear understanding that others are independent beings separate from myself, I may not be able to forgive myself for not intervening in someone's relationship, their work situation, their financial wellbeing. I may project how I would feel in that situation onto them and decide that they are being harmed, when I can't actually know what they are experiencing, and when it's their right to experience it or experience themselves choosing something else. This pattern of projection and saviorship is the hallmark of enmeshment and codependency.
In enmeshment or narcissism, I believe my experience is the only one worthy of my attention. It's a state of rejecting my own need for connection, and disrespects the fact of the empathy produced when my body coregulates with other bodies.
