Tender Intimacy

These two years I've spent single have showed me something about men—

Men are so hungry and ready for tender intimacy.

Men are kind and sweet and supportive and present.

Men are playful and funny and ALWAYS respect my boundaries.

Men are desperate to offer me a good experience of them.

I adore the way men have shown up for me.

I would not be able to have this love for them as men or have this kind of support in my life if I were evaluating these men through a lens of partnership.

When I do not immediately project that a man might be my partner, I get to see what his presence will add to my life.

I can still save whatever activities I want for partnership. I interact with men who have something to offer my life besides potential-partnership, because if they don't, they are certainly NOT potential partners.

From a WHOLE platonic relationship, a WHOLE romantic relationship may or may not emerge, and I am still in a whole relationship.

I'm not interacting with every man in a certain age range who is single as if he is supposed to want to show up exclusively for me as a partner.

The story about men these days is that they are "avoidant."

I get the perspective, I really do. These men do not consistently show up across days and weeks. Sometimes they drop away for months.

AND, in order to accuse someone else of avoidance, I have to first assign them a priority.

This is incredibly disrespectful and arrogant of me to do. When I assign someone else a priority, especially someone I have only just met, I am saying "I know better than you how you should spend your time."

The perspective is self-absorbed and narcissistic, to say, "sir, I understand that up until now you have been running your own life, but now I know that your sole purpose is to cater to the empty part of me."

I feel confident asserting that these things are disrespectful and arrogant, self-absorbed and narcissistic, because I did them for SO LONG. I know that that is exactly how those practices felt to my body while I was in them. I see now the limitations of my consciousness, my own lack of empathy (to which I was the primary victim), and the dehumanization of these practices.

I feel now the way it was never those men I even wanted, I wanted *someone.*

A man I have known for less than three months is an acquaintance. That is not to say I do not LET HIM show up for me powerfully if the connection between us calls for that. That is to say that I do not prevail upon him to be anything but an acquaintance unless HE is actively choosing to show up massively in every here and now, and I am adoring to meet him.

When I'm having casual interactions with men, the features that would make them a wonderful partner are available to me here and now. I receive them, benefit from them, and admire them right here and now. I am not scanning for the first opportunity to leap into an investment. I am sitting back luxuriating in the right here right now experience of HAVING a man's beautiful love and care.

Last night a friend came over after the dance afterparty. We sat in the same chair on the porch and unwound together, and then, with eyes heavy, I asked him to tuck me in.

I brushed my teeth and got in bed. He got in and held me, and when he was ready to leave he moved me gently off of him, arranged blankets and pillows around me, kissed the inside of my wrist and my forehead, and slipped out the door.

Good men are available for tender intimacy, kind caring, devotional service, RIGHT NOW.

I am so glad I took down my own obstructive entitlements, rules, expectations, and limitations that would have blocked this love out of my life.

I am grateful that I have chosen to allow men's love into my life, regardless of any one man's "consistency."

If you are ready to break all the rules that are standing in your way while honoring all the real LAWS of Right Relationship, the Village Principles Masterclass is tonight at 5:30pm PST! This is the timeless technology of the happy family and devotional community.

Something Like This and Something Like That are next week, for women and men wanting easier and sweeter times dating. You can have it ALL with the Loves Forest subscription for just $97/month.