The Fun Way
A happy home is not a platitude. It is a process and a practice.
There's no such thing as ending codependency. Codependency is a process and a practice I learned to use to relate.
I can't stop relating. So I can't stop relating in codependency until I know another way of relating.
The building blocks of codependency are clear—they are need, urgency, scarcity, force, obligation, extortion, control.
Other systems have other building blocks, just as clear. They hide in plain sight, but once I point them out, people never fail to recognize them.
Like the cure for codependency.
I give the cure for codependency on every live workshop.
If you come to a workshop, I'll give it to you in one sentence.
But until then I'll show you how I lived it tonight.
Leela and I noticed codependency practices in our relationship a month or so ago and killed them—we know the other shit to do.
Tonight we were leaving for an event 4 minutes away. I packed myself and sat on the porch peacefully journaling, in absolute timelessness. I forgot there was somewhere to be, I surrendered to the next trigger: her arrival.
When Leela is ready, we leave. That's the pacing of the matter, the next factor upon which the full convergence depends.
I will not impose minutes or ideas of being on time on a living being, instead, I will free myself from those constraints.
I will not be in urgency. I will not check her progress. I will not reconnect with punishment or derision when she is “finally” ready.
Our timing has always been exquisite; tonight was just one more example. I was in absolute peace, and the event *as well as getting there* was peaceful and abundant of experience.
