Touch Arms
He said it sent him on a journey, my simple touch on his arm at dinner, our first date.
I knew it, of course, because at my touch he lost all his words and gave up trying to find them.
How do I describe the elation it gives me, to know that one touch can be a reminder of all that's available?
And how do I describe the grief, the way so many live into a learned forgetfulness, starving in an abundant forest because they don't know which berries nourish and which ones kill?
I knew it sent him, but I didn't know where he went until he told me. He realized that so much which he had been thinking was on the other side of months of romantic connection and commitment-building was available here and now.
He realized he'd swallowed lies about scarcity and stopped looking at all his resources.
He realized he'd had his eyes trained on the depressing desert of romance when he might really want a therapist and a men's group and some simple and straightforward platonic human body contact.
Yes, these are the words of a heterosexual man about what *he realized* when I touched him.
I remember when I went on dates full of romantic hopes, dashed in the first minute. I remember when I limped along till I could get away, ignoring the human in front of me, suffering my own dashed expectations.
Now, everywhere I go, I go as a full on WIFE.
I am covered, I am nourished, I am satisfied and safe.
Should my husband find me, he will find himself on a date with his wife.
When someone who is not my husband finds me, he finds all that is within him waiting to be addressed, that he might be ready for a wife. (Reactions to this are, predictably, mixed. This might be the best one yet.)
When I was clinging for completeness, men clinging for completeness could hook right in there, and we could distract each other for a time.
Now that I show up nourished, I am a ready-template for those who really want and are capable of devotional partnership. My very presence gets them closer to understanding how it feels and what it takes.
Ultimately, I've never been less interested in who I will eventually marry. I am concerned with being a devoted partner in a household with people I love, and that means that I have what I want while I wait for its next iteration.
It means that going on dates is actually about getting to know this person, feeling into how we might enjoy spending time together, rather than seeing what boxes they check.
It is this simple reminder to enjoy the here and now which this man received from my touch. He let it call him home from striving.
He let love be here and now.
