Toxic + Chaotic: Polarity Outside Union

A system of Union is one where the system and the structure serve life experience, and life experiencers invest in the system because of how it serves.

I define toxic masculinity as system and structure which degrades human life to serve the system. This is what has workers scraping by on low wages, customers getting gouged, and businesses reporting record profits. The resources benefit no one within the system. The system exists to exploit those within the system to benefit the creator of the system and the system itself.

Toxic masculinity sees human life experience degraded to grow what is not alive, i.e. the numbers on a spreadsheet.

But who wants to grow and joyfully contribute to a system which is degrading human life experience?

This is how the chaotic feminine comes to rule the human experience. Having never known a system in service to her, she has only practices of degrading, dismantling and wreaking destruction on systems. It is all that has ever made sense to learn. The alternative is to cooperate with that which will destroy me!

This is how opposition eclipses positive agency, craving, and our freest will. Control says “you must do this.” Obedience is non-agency, subjugation, it says “yes, sir!”

Opposition is negative agency, it says “I will NOT do what YOU said to do, and that is how I know I am free. I will REJECT what you have to offer, and that's how I feel in-choice.”

Opposition is the free will of one who is not free.

Opposition's occlusion of true choice serves a tyrant who wants you unable to see any world beyond his rule. He wants you to believe you may follow him or rebel and die; he wants you to know of just two options.

How could a system or structure which DOES serve human experience arise and thrive, if it is the habit of those within it to destroy it?

How could any system serve the experience of someone who is constantly enacting destruction upon it? This is how the opposition he engenders through control actually gives the tyrant job security.

Chaotic femininity offers one thing into a human relational system—emotional reactivity. Her emotional experience and her reaction to her emotional experience take center-stage of every interaction.

It does not matter what you said. What matters is that she didn't like how you said it. We will talk for hours that melt into years about how you said it and how it felt to me, so we never have to get back to WHAT you said. Our creation together, our union, is stymied by the fact that we never arrive on common ground to adjust or address the structure, we stay in the abstraction of how we feel about the structure, how the system is not-good-enough.

Damage and destruction work most effectively on the most delicate systems. A control-based system is designed to accommodate damage and destruction, while sustainable nourishment is found in delicately balanced ecosystems quite vulnerable to disruption.

This is why the feminine, life experience, life experiencers must go first, if we want to transcend control and nullify the tyrant. We are the initiators and the catalysts for these new systems to arise, systems of UNION, systems which serve life.

We must cultivate practices of appreciation and agency to dismantle within ourselves practices of depreciation and rebellion.

We must be willing to believe in systems which can serve our experience, which nourish us and generate energy, increasing the value we reap from our experience of life. We must cultivate them for ourselves right here and now.

We must learn practical investment strategies as well as strategies of identifying worthy investments of our time, energy, and attention.

She must go first, life must have the courage to believe in, and the sight to invest in, that which blesses and serves her, that which brings her nourishment, that which makes life feel precious and meaningful.

She must bring order to her chaos, and shift her attentional habits, dropping concerns of what’s going wrong to invest in what IS of service, what in particular of this moment is exactly right for her.