Trying-to-Get
Trying-to-get is a whole beingness. It's the beingness we have in Wanting.
Some people have spent so much time and acquired so much skill in this beingness as regards to partnership, that they don't know how to HAVE partnership.
They get in a relationship, and they keep trying-to-get into a relationship. 3-8 months, that's what this cycle has in it, and you can repeat that cycle as many times as you both opt in.
Trying-to-get in a relationship with your partner means trying-to-get closer all the time. Trying-to-get connection.
It looks like asking for connection, asking why connection hasn't happened lately, asking what's missing or what's wrong at the first sign of distance or tension (which are only concepts when connection is intact), trying-to-get BACK in relationship at your first perception of a problem. It looks like asking for reassurance that we are still connected, because my mind has churned out some fear thoughts my body is hooked into feeling.
This is insatiability misappropriated in the way only romantic partnership offers. And only in this modern context, where we can churn through partners seemingly endlessly.
Insatiability is an existential truth of being human. Desire is eros, life force, what keeps us breathing. Desire is what draws us together, and desire poorly-held is what drives us so far apart we're back in seeking, where this much desire makes sense.
When the insatiability is rightly sized, contained, accepted, provided for, it glows as a radiant tether, an attractive force between partners who know how to HAVE partnership.
They have it. They hold it. Their desire for more holds them together. This is an activity, it's a beingness, having this thing, holding this thing, dancing desire through distance and tension, as an artful team. It is something they ARE doing, just like trying-to-get is something to do.
Energy is energy is energy. We have the ability to shape containers for it, to harness it, to store it, to spend it on all our delights. Energy and practices of distributing energy function differently in different containers, the way a fan functions differently inside a room versus outside in the open air.
When we learn where and how all the existential truths of being human might be contained, harnessed, and used on behalf of love, love and connection are easy. Romantic relationship emerges organically, and the organic emergence is sustainable.
Relationship is an art.
Relationship obeys universal law.
Right relationship is as clear as the application of gravity.
What is unsustainable does not sustain.
