I am not monogamous.
I am also not polyamorous.
I reject these premises altogether. These are abstractions, the way I can say I live in a house, and you know both something and nothing at all about the actual space I inhabit.
I reject entirely the western way of thinking about relationships.
I will not be caged or defined by an abstraction. I will not rest my faith in what I know cannot and does not hold water, no matter how those around me insist that it does.
I will not acknowledge this binary notion of relationships, that they neatly fall in either a sexual or nonsexual category. I have an embodied knowing of the erotic continuum, of Village Eros, which is a living energy I only need to follow to find myself in the exact right relationship configuration with any other person.
I reject the idea that sexual exclusivity is any relevant metric of commitment whatsoever. I see the way this is a system of control and deprivation, the way it is an externalization of self-worth.
I reject the idea that love can be limited or restricted, that relationships could be a threat, that desire is elective, that it is the business of ANY individual in the world what I choose to do with my sovereign body, or that it is my business to govern someone else's choices about their body.
Most questions people ask about my love life make no sense to me whatsoever. Understanding me in the least requires an intensive curriculum of unlearning.
There are ideas and beliefs you have been sold about relationships which you swallowed whole and have never truly examined. They don't even feel like beliefs, they feel like fundamental truths of human relating, even as reality defies them again and again.
Recently a friend lamented "nobody knows how to be here and now!" This is the basis for why so few can understand my love life enough to even ask a relevant question.
My love life is a here and now matter. I am just as imbued as anyone with confusions that it is a matter of the future or the past or my intentions or their commitment, and when I find myself in these confusions I slow down again, until I am back here and now.
Here and now I am on a cool rock, hearing the rushing creek, with a hot wind blowing over me now and then. The leaves have organized themselves atop the water to look like a path along the current. I am typing. I am the only human, but I am in the forest, surrounded by life.
The ultimate bartender is serving me dappled sunlight on the rocks, and I am drinking it up.
I disassociate into my head plenty. I have fantasies and daydreams and ideas. Relating in the here and now doesn't mean that I am enlightened or meditatively everpresent, it means that I don't take my daydreams seriously enough to suffer.
I don't believe I can imagine what will come for me, in terms of love, but I believe I can have a lot of fun playing in my imaginings.
I don't believe an abstraction will serve me in building the life of my dreams. At best, abstractions have been momentarily useful scaffolding that has turned into insurmountable obstruction. At worst, they simply occlude the view of what's really there, allowing me to experience surprise misalignment farther down the road, when the stakes are higher.
Again and again, reality shows me that people who want to be in relationship with me show up consistently without any need for commitments.
Again and again, reality shows me that people who make commitments cannot and will not be held to them in the moment they become most important.
If he wants to, he will. If he doesn't want to, I don't want him to.
Here and now. Am I seeing them, understanding them, open to their expression?
Do I respect what they desire for themselves and their right to pursue it?
Do I know how to invest in each moment in ways I deem exactly appropriate and generative of energy toward what I care about?
Am I being my own effortless boundaries?
Here and now, the abstractions only get in the way.
Whose favorite minute is the last minute? TODAY I am giving workshops on this topic, Something Like This for women and Something Like That for men. You still have time, go sign up!!
