Unshakeable

You who want the unshakeable man who is deeply involved and invested in your emotional experience.

I tell you, such a man does not exist.

The unshakeable man can hold your emotional chaos because he is divested of it, he holds himself uninvolved.

The man who is invested and involved in your emotional chaos will be shaken by it.

Pick your poison, have one of each! But you will not have both in one.

Your emotional chaos is for you. It is not wrong, it simply has a sacred role well within your own realm, and your relationship to it supplies raw material to the other relationships in your life. Especially your man.

To want a man involved in it is to want to process externally, but this will not result in you luxuriating in a safe context with that man. Processing externally is a sacred practice, but processing between is a risky one.

To want an unshakeable man is to be willing to process internally, and to be willing to take his direction when he tells you what his business is and isn't. The unshakeable man has boundaries that enmeshment practices tell you are walls, avoidance, withholding.

But if you must see them as walls, understand they are load-bearing. He is able to be the bastion of strength you ask him to be for your context because he is able to firm up in the tides of emotion, to stay uninvolved, invested in stability, in service to expression. Processing your chaos, especially when it seems to be about him, breaks down these walls, and it’s not in service to anyone.

You can bring your raw chaos to your friends. You can bring your chaos to your journal. You can bring your chaos to me.

When you do this, you enact a process of refinement, a curation that allows you to show up as a creative participant to partnership rather than a damsel in distress, asking partnership to supply you with a baseline.

You are your own relentless baseline, and part of the baseline practice is to refine your chaos to only bring him exquisite raw material. In this you honor the way he holds himself apart from your chaos, respects your realm of refinement, does not attach to what of you is not yet purified for his consumption.

I am content to handle my own business. That's why unshakeable men adore my presence.