Value Add
Discerning generative connection is as easy (and as hard) as training your attention to the positive addition any person offers to your field.
Positive does not mean pleasant or good.
Positive means HAPPENING.
When I say something like
"he's not attuned," it seems like such a gentle opportunity, this man could learn something valuable and be a great partner! Really, if you think about it, all men should learn this...
*off to the land of delulu, workshopping, advocating for myself, advocating for him to change himself and his behavior, advocating for how he could be more whole so I could get more out of him...*
When I center the positive reality of what this man adds to my experience, I would have to say, "he offers me experiences that feel violating and uncomfortable." Framed this way, I take ownership that others are innocently offering me what they have, and I am walking toward an offer, away from others, when I engage with any person.
Framed this way, HOW could I walk toward him and call myself sane?
Framed this way, I can LOVE all I love about him, acknowledge he is a good man in so many ways, and that his offer is simply not a compelling addition to my life.
I am centering MY experience of what is on offer, not moralizing what he's handing out, but getting clear in my own body about how his offers land for me.
I am not focusing on the positive in the sense of training my attention to what feels good and ignoring things that feel bad.
I am focusing on the positive in the sense that I am alert to what any person is adding to my life in any given moment, and clear that it is my choice whether I receive and allow what they have to add.
I am centered in my own life, my own experience, my own worthiness, so the only question in relationship is whether and how I continue to allow another to add to my life what they add.
They are not making me whole, I am choosing what I add to a life that is whole and complete now, with every person I choose to relate with.
Framing with positivity, for reality, is a GAMECHANGER for your empowerment, in dating, partnership, and beyond.
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