Wholly War

My love, you suffer when you try to hold the world to your delusions.

Anything you thought would happen which didn't might inspire you to this holy crusade. Anything you think is right going wrong could call you to enact justice upon the world, to make it recant and obey.

You will be fueled with the righteous certainty about what is fair, good, and kind, about what went wrong, about who is to blame. Your fevered expression of rage and indignation is a form of your suffering. Others who endure it contend with your suffering, and may also suffer.

This is war. War is war is war. It cannot generate peace, but its most dangerous, pervasive, and insidious form promises to do just that. This holy crusade.

We leave war when we enter reality, when we fully fucking enter reality.

There is pain there in depths which drive us to loop in surface-level suffering, rather than contend with Truth.

There is comfort in the delusion that things could go according to plan, even in the frustrated drama when they do not.

There is terror in the reality of how it all unfolds.

And also

there is a deep peace.

There is a relaxation, a holding reality provides which is like gravity's holding.

To one with a singular aim, such as getting in the air, gravity may seem like a hindrance; but gravity is known by the holistic mind as the asset of a trustworthy limitation, holding EVERYTHING together. Tethering us, showing we belong.

Reality gives us the opportunity for INTIMACY. How it goes is how it goes.
There is no plan.

There is no way that we can reliably shape it.
There is no way to opt out of trying.

There is only the way that we show up to the process of planning and failing, to the moment as it is here and now.

There is only here and now, what I show up for and how I show up.

Forget morality.

And, my love, for your own tired body's sake, forget what anyone else "should" do.

Who do you want to be in your one and only life?