You Get What You Expect

receive right with Feminine Cycle

You get what you expect.

You do not get what you want. Expectation is a form of receiving. It is rehearsal and it prejudices your filter as reality comes in.

You want a trustworthy partner but you expect lies and so you behave as if there are lies.

You want someone who shows up for you but you expect that no one will. You don’t know how to treat them when they come close, but you do know how to find evidence that they’re not showing up.

You want to know you’ll always be saved, in which case the desire is aligned with the expectation and you will create situations that are dangerous and require you to be saved.

Many people don’t get what they want because they don’t know what it means to expect it. They don’t know how to expect anything other than what life taught them to expect.

It is scary as fuck to act like you expect something that has never happened. It’s madness, actually, in part, at least a delicate walk on the line. To truly behave as if it is occurring, when it’s never occurred before, and you have never been a person it’s occurring for.

You must exit the reality you have always known.

You only know how to behave as the old stories come in. You know how to be a person who that story occurs for. You know how to respond when he lies to you. You know how to respond when she makes a sharp, emasculating comment. You know how to find and reveal lies and inconsistencies.

The point is, you are unprepared and not ready and you will misinterpret reality as it offers you opportunity after opportunity to truly have what you want. Not because you’re bad or doing it wrong, because you’ve never learned another way.

You were meant to learn this from other people. You were meant to learn how it feels and how to behave while you are being treated with respect. If you didn’t learn that, it’s because those around you were not treating you with respect.

In order to change this story, you have to change what you genuinely believe you’ll receive. In your heart, believing that a person can be all the way honest with you. Believing that someone can value and admire and respect you. Believing that someone can devote to you.

You have to learn how to respond to reverence. How to respond to a continuous loving interpretation of everything you do. You have to learn what a relationship looks like without any patterns of hurt and betrayal—you have to establish a different rhythm in partnership.

You have to learn what to look for, signs of honesty. You’ll have to lean into your gut feelings and honor them every time. You have to forgive all your own missteps, self-betrayal, self-abandonment, and KNOW how to create something different, recognize that the missteps taught you how already.

Until then, you’ll want something and expect something else, and the having will elude you.